I long ago determined that civility, or its absence, was the quickest and most accurate gauge of a person’s character, and that it’s probably an umbrella category, under which are usually also found; courtesy (a more proactive expression of good will than mere civility) and thoughtful consideration, nuanced and good humor, empathy and compassion, and a generally reasonable disposition, and will commonly also be accompanied by an open mind, curiosity, and critical thinking. People displaying civility very often turn out to be people I want to know and associate with, be around.
Where civility is absent, I have found that many of those other traits will also be absent, and most relevant with respect to the line in the sand that western human society already crossed over many years ago, and as a result is now facing a profound schism, I believe it’s accurate to say that there is no chance at all that someone displaying routine intentional incivility will be an ally or someone I’d want to live in voluntary community with, the kind of communities that are likely needing to form now, of necessity.
Intentional incivility (I’m not talking about someone having a bad day and being momentarily angry or hostile, and apologizing for it later) is mean-spirited and miserly of spirit, very small, very low. It is not an enlightened state, and those expressing it are not, in my experience, trying to attain one. Such people are not inclined to remedy, goodwill, concord, reason, humor, or harmony.
Often also humorless and snide, sometimes shrill or strident, sometimes just conspicuously withholding or absent where engagement is obviously appropriate, required or requested, people who display routine incivility are drawn to contention, conflict and discord, and would immediately undercut and destroy such places of voluntary community with acrimony, controversy and pointless adversarial debate for the purposes of creating a recreational backdrop of drama which makes their life feel interesting and meaningful, and are also very likely to be controlling, as intentional acrimony and/or passive-aggression are usually obvious in such people, and are inherently controlling in spirit, and nothing to do with a pursuit of freedom or enlightenment or a ‘live and let live’ outlook.
Such people are meddlesome and quarrelsome, pull rugs, and rain on parades. They are the crabs in the pot preventing others from crawling out. It’s as clear as that for me.
Where I confront this now, I disassociate, as that trait does not alter. Such people will never be actual allies, assets, friends or good neighbors. I’m sure of it.
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